I feel like my life is about to take a major change.

I don't know, I can just sort of feel it and I can anticipate it.

I just broke up with Jacob, my online boyfriend of a year. It was a complicated relationship that - partly due to distance, partly due to emotional friction, and partly due to our age gap - would probably not have worked out. Very fortunately, we both have the desire to remain good friends which is something I'm very happy about, as I was afraid it would end horribly.

For the first time since sixth grade, I've made a new close friend that isn't a complete asshole, which is nice. It's nice to have another friend that, you know, actually respects me as a person.

I'm going to be starting therapy soon, which hopefully means I'm going to start addressing my plethora of problems in a way that is actually productive.

So, this'll be interesting.

So I was coming home from the store after buying some paint, with which I would use to paint my liberals hate America signs, and I saw something that was absolutely unacceptable. I opened my eyes wide and stared, anger and hatred burning inside me like a hot oven. I clenched my fists and I bit my lip.

I saw two men walking down the street... and they were holding hands. Two men. Can you believe that? And in public, too? They were smiling all happy and whatnot and they were just so... gay. They were abominations, sinners, and they were evil people. There was an aura of evil floating around them that I could just feel in the core of my God fearing bones.

Now, being the conservative orthodox Catholic right winger that I am, I felt it was my duty to address this abomination. I ran up to the two men and stood in their path, widening my stance and bracing myself in the chance that I was about to enter a battle, of which I was sure I would win in an epic feat of godly domination and strength for I have the Lord on my side. I whipped out my handy dandy pocket bible, flipped open to Leviticus, and started to read to them. I read with confidence with a smile on my face knowing that I was doing God's work by pointing these sinners towards the straight and narrow path of the Lord.

They, of course, paid no mind to me because they're dirty sinners who don't care in the slightest about the loving Father's will. They walked past me without flinching like I was nothing, like I wasn't a soldier of God, like I wasn't on a holy mission to save sinners from eternal damnation. Didn't they understand that I was trying to help them? If you set aside all of my disdain for these evil people, I am really trying to save them from the suffering they will experience in hell if they don't stop this promiscuous sin-filled lifestyle.

I knew what I had to do. I had to resort to something I hoped I wouldn't have to resort to. I ran in front of them again and held a firm stance, clutching my handy dandy pocket bible in my fist and narrowing my eyes for the attack. I leaped towards them and and struck the gayest looking one, the one on the left, with the handy dandy pocket bible as hard as I could. Then, I doubled back and swung at the other one.

But he was quicker than the first and I no longer had the element of surprise. He dodged and stepped back, widening his stance to match mine. We stared each other down, our eyes filled with malice. We were still for what seemed like an eternity, but suddenly, he made the first move.

He circled around me, moving quicker than any adversary I'd ever faced. He was graceful like a ballerina and I couldn't get a lock on him. Every time I tried to swing at him, he would dodge and move to a different location.

And then he made the first strike. His gay fist struck my face and I doubled back, wiping the blood from my lip. I was angry now. I was determined and I was going to be the victor of this fight, no matter what I had to resort to. The fag had it in for him now. He had the rage of the Good Lord against him.

I called upon the power of the Lord, reciting an ancient chant over and over until finally, a circle of light appeared around me and the air swirled in a whirlwind. The skies opened up and an angel flew down from the heavens to be my aid.

The angel opened his eyes and cried a piercing cry, shattering the windows of the nearby houses.

I thought for sure I was going to be the victor then, but suddenly, I realized that the first gay on the ground that I hit down had drawn a pentagram in his own blood on the sidewalk. He stood up, blood dripping from his lips and his hands, a sadistic smile crossing his gay face.

The sky turned red and the ground began the rumble. The pentagram on the sidewalk began to glow bright red and a ring of fire encircled the three of us.

The flames rose higher and higher and suddenly, out of the fiery inferno burst a dark force, a force that made my holy skin feel like it was burning, kind of like Harry Potter's scar when he's near Voldemort. The dark force unmasked it's face and I knew at that moment that I was face to face with Satan himself.

Satan laughed at me as he began to close in the ring of fire around me. The flames were coming closer and closer and I cried out for the angel to save me, but the angel was being suffocated by Satan's mighty fist.

As the flames reached my skin, I was screaming out in pain, cursing Satan and cursing the evil gays that hath brought this fate upon me. The three of them laughed and laughed as I burned alive in pure agony. But eventually everything went black.

I opened my eyes and saw a bright light, a light that felt warm and loving. I started to walk towards it, knowing that I'd soon by with the Good Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.

But then suddenly, a dark, burning fist grabbed my body and pulled me down. I was being pulled down so fast that I couldn't breath. I was pulled from the heavens, down to earth, and then I was dragged down through the earth's surface until I was thrown down into the bowels of hell.

I picked myself up, kneeling on my hands and knees, lacking the energy to do anything else. When I opened my eyes, before me I saw Satan and the two gays smiling at his side.

Satan spoke is a low, dark voice. "Welcome to hell, soldier of God."

I cried out, "Why is this happening? I am a good soldier!"

The gays laughed and Satan said, "But you see, silly soldier, my army of gays has been watching you for quite some time. We have been finding that you are interfering with our plans and our mission and we can't have that, now can we?"

I stared wide eyed at the three.

"So," Satan continued "we have brought you down here where you can't interfere. It is here you will stay until our plans our complete. Down here, you can no longer preach your God's will and rob my army of soldiers by showing them the path of God. Down here, you will no longer be a nuisance. Me and my gay army shall bring the Earth into a new era, a gay era."

"Yes," The ballerina gay spoke "Everything will be fashionable. We will have mandatory drape inspections, to make sure they match the furniture and the rugs."

"And every night will be mandatory gay bdsm orgies, with booze and birth control." The pentagram gay added. "And while everyone is distracted while being forced to have gay bdsm and fix their drapes, we'll intercept all the world's governments and assassinate all of the world leaders."

"And after that happens," The ballerina gay continued, "We will raise all the demons from hell and set them lose on the earth, causing catastrophe and chaos everywhere. We will watch this world rot. We will watch everything fall apart and burn everything to ground, as we clutch humanity by the balls and tear it apart. And no one will be able to stop us. No one at all."

"No! This can't be!" I shouted. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because," The pentagon gay answered, "We have what's called gay rage. You see, when you decide to become gay, you agree to allow a demon to live inside of you. This demon is very, very angry. But it's a sacrifice we have to make to be able to harness the powers of Satan and his demonic forces."

"You can't do this!" I cried.

"Oh yes we can" Satan laughed. "And there's no one left to stop us."

They all burst out in laughter as I screamed with rage. There had to be something I could do, some way to stop this catastrophe. I looked all around me, examining my setting.

And then I saw it. There was a piece of wood lying on the ground and I crawled over to it while the three were distracted. I took out my pocket knife and began to carve for my life, because my life was at stake.

After five minutes or so of furious carving, I had completed my task. I stood up and raised the wood over my head. I had shaped the wood into the image of a cross.

Satan and the gays stopped laughing and stared at me with wide eyes.

"No! Get it away!" The pentagon gay screamed.

"Don't let it touch us!" Cried the ballerina gay.

The three of them backed away and I said, regaining the confidence in my voice, "Bring me to the surface, to the world of the mortals, or I will end you by the power of the Lord."

And as they cowered in fear of my cross, their decision was made. Satan flew me back up to the surface of the earth where I knew what I had to do.

I had to spread the truth about the gays to anyone I could.

However, the gays were one step ahead of me. No one would believe as they'd been brainwashed by the liberal media. I tried to tell them that the gays were evil, but nobody would pay me any mind.

The gays have done it, the gays have succeeded. There's nothing I can do. I'm sorry.

Please, please, here me out. Please be aware. Know the truth. Know what those gay really are. Know it, and know it always. Fight for the cause. Don't give those gays their rights because of you do, it will be the end of us all.

I promise to follow the path of Christ.

I promise to become a good Catholic and follow the straight and narrow path, repenting my lusts for my own sex and my deviant sadomasochistic nature.

I promise to refute my acceptance of those who disobey god.

I promise to be an obedient, loyal servant of the good lord.

I am asking God's forgiveness for all the sins I hath committed and so thus forth I shall work to achieve the honor of ascending to heaven to meet the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.

Amen.

It's for bad people.

Logan's mom told me so.

It's mine, get off.

In my last news post, I talked about how I was trying to get my parents to sign off on an english project involving bdsm and the discussions we had over it.

Now, I was under the impression that this was all coming out of pure, simple prejudice and their unwillingness to further investigate into this issue before making a decision.

However, upon having another conversation with just my dad, who was the most accepting of the two, he informed me that the night of the second debate, after it was over, at about 11 at night, my mom ran out of the house crying and sat in the car for about two hours.

Now, my mom didn't talk to me at all about how she really felt and I really wish she had because I said some things to her that now I regret quite a bit.

My dad described it as being that she couldn't even find the words to say. Apparently this scared the crap out of my mom and she just couldn't deal with it. The fact that she doesn't want me to be angry at her just adds to it.

Now, not only do I feel incredibly guilty right now, but I also know that if I ever actually came out and she found out that I actually am a sadomasochist, satan will fly out of the bowels of hell and rain fire upon my existence.

I've learned now that it's not just prejudice, it's straight of terror.

djasklf;dsajfkl;sdajfkl;dsajkl;

So, we have this research project in school and we have to write a huge long paper on a topic with interviews and everything. The topic can be anything. This whole research paper is something we're going to be working on in my English class for 12 weeks, so it needs to be something that I'm really interested in.

As long as, however, our parents sign off on it.

So the topic I settled on was BDSM acceptance; the way our society reacts to the BDSM community and the way the BDSM community reacts to the rest of society.

Now, upon telling them about my plans for this project, they did what I half expected them to do, which was not approving. They said they would "discuss" it.

Now, I'm not complaining about this. I understand their concerns, this is context.

We had an argument about it at dinner, how it might not be appropriate for me to look into, and so on. Not surprising and understandable. I'm still pushing for it, but that's beside the point.

During this conversation, I discovered how disapproving my parents actually were about BDSM in and of itself. My mom said, and I quote, "I watched this documentary and in one part, there was a scene that was depicting male bondage and I almost threw up."

ffffffuck

I'm now thinking that bringing up this research topic was a pretty good idea because now I have some foreshadowing to how they're going to react when they actually do find out that I'm into BDSM.

I pretty much knew this was going to be the case, but I was hoping that it wouldn't be. That hope is dead now.

Three cheers for being a disappointment.

Ugh.

Can be as many words as you want.

Go now, embark.

I hate angst and I hate apathy.

It's this idea that a lot of my peers seem to have that basically, "everything sucks and it's everybody else's fault and I'm not going to do anything about it because everything sucks too much". It's the misconception that you can make things better by bitching and moaning and sulking in sadness and hatred.

These people refuse to take any personal responsibility for their own happiness. They blame absolutely everything on other people and they always view themselves as the 100% innocent victim in a vain hope that it raise their self esteem when all it's doing is causing them dwell in hatred and self pity.

I want to slap these people and tell them to wake up.

I want to get it through to them that it's not our responsibility to make them happy, it's theirs. They're always blaming their unhappiness on other people when in reality, it's the hatred that they've built up inside of themselves that is making them unhappy in what seems to be a catch 22.

But it's not. There's only one way to make yourself happy and that's to get up off your ass and try. You don't have to do it alone, but for christ's sake, do something proactive for a change.

And stop believing and especially stop whining that no one understands you. Everyone gets unhappy, depressed, angry, and/or stressed. We all know how you feel because we've all been there. Almost all of us know how it feels to be insecure, how it feels to be tentative, how it feels to be rejected, and how it feels to be lied to.

I'm not diminishing your problems, but chances are that whatever your problem is, there's still something that you can do to make yourself happy whether it's addressing the problem directly, seeing a therapist, just excepting the truth from someone who cares about you, or whatever.

Oh, and for the good lord almighty above us in heaven, stop hating your parents. They yell at you because they care about you. It's not their fault that you refuse to stop not giving a shit and looking at everything like it's a catastrophe. They don't hate you, so stop saying that they do. They raised you, took care of you, pay for your shit, and support you. Give them a little more respect.

FFFFFFFFFFFFF

/rant

ugggh, dicks. >:(

Talk to me.