ffffffuck: Part 2: emotional cleanup

In my last news post, I talked about how I was trying to get my parents to sign off on an english project involving bdsm and the discussions we had over it.

Now, I was under the impression that this was all coming out of pure, simple prejudice and their unwillingness to further investigate into this issue before making a decision.

However, upon having another conversation with just my dad, who was the most accepting of the two, he informed me that the night of the second debate, after it was over, at about 11 at night, my mom ran out of the house crying and sat in the car for about two hours.

Now, my mom didn't talk to me at all about how she really felt and I really wish she had because I said some things to her that now I regret quite a bit.

My dad described it as being that she couldn't even find the words to say. Apparently this scared the crap out of my mom and she just couldn't deal with it. The fact that she doesn't want me to be angry at her just adds to it.

Now, not only do I feel incredibly guilty right now, but I also know that if I ever actually came out and she found out that I actually am a sadomasochist, satan will fly out of the bowels of hell and rain fire upon my existence.

I've learned now that it's not just prejudice, it's straight of terror.

djasklf;dsajfkl;sdajfkl;dsajkl;

Comments

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Rad 2009-03-19 20:16:51

I think this may be one of those things that would be next to impossible to smooth out with your parents at this moment.

I'm really surprised they didn't immediately pick up that your into it to be honest, I mean I didn't learn about most fetishes until I was like...16 or something.

Well, good luck on your whole Situation katie, owch.

InsertFunnyUserName 2009-03-19 20:16:51

Thanks.

Yeah, I'm surprised that they didn't pick up on this back in 07 when I first started self mutilating. Coincidentally, the same ignorance that is driving their fear is the ignorance that's keeping my secret at least somewhat safe.

dobo69 2009-03-19 20:40:12

that sucks
into bdsm huh, thats hot

InsertFunnyUserName 2009-03-19 20:40:12

Quite.

Onepiece285 2009-03-19 21:14:12

I'd suggest you confront her about this, talk to her and hear what she has to say, not doing anything certainly won't help, I know that from experience. She needs to accept that that's your choice to make, I don't think that she should be the one to decide what sexual actions you like, that's up to you and you alone.

Everything will be alright *hugs* =3

InsertFunnyUserName 2009-03-19 21:14:12

Oh, this wasn't about me telling her that I'm into bdsm. I've still yet to do that.

And I've been talking to them probably for a collective seven hours over the passed three days.

Sensationalism 2009-03-20 23:25:02

Maybe it's not the BDSM. Maybe they don't want to know their little 14 year old daughter is into sex. Lol, parents.

InsertFunnyUserName 2009-03-20 23:25:02

Fun times.

galatea1 2009-03-20 23:56:11

You really need to get off of the internet and deal with this to your parents. And give them a break, will ya? Their daughter is possibly doing something dangerous: darn tootin' they're scared.

I'm a parent, too: if one of my kids told me that she was into BDSM, I'd have to restrain myself from locking her in her room for good. Your parents are worried about your health and safety. I hope you haven't been practicing with an older guy; that would be rape on his part.

InsertFunnyUserName 2009-03-20 23:56:11 (Updated 2009-03-21 00:05:22)

You would be that angry with your daughter for being open enough with you to share with you something that she probably would be ashamed of herself for? That doesn't sound right.

And BDSM is only dangerous when you're an idiot. But then again, everything's dangerous when you're an idiot.

And this isn't anger, it's fear.

maskedone2 2009-03-21 00:27:09

really, it just shows they care about you

i mean. it must be terrifying for a parent to know their child WANTS to experience pain
its a pian in the arse also that parents don't accept us, right?

InsertFunnyUserName 2009-03-21 00:27:09

Yeah, I know what you mean.

However, it doesn't make it any less terrifying.

supuhfly8495 2009-03-21 00:52:18

You could always lie your way out of it, say you lost a bet or something...

or make up something else.

InsertFunnyUserName 2009-03-21 00:52:18

No, it's done with now.

And trust me, I put out the best argument I could for doing the paper.

xpnc 2009-03-21 02:10:47

I don't think I could ever imply to my parents what I like sexually. The idea just puts shivers in my spine.

InsertFunnyUserName 2009-03-21 02:10:47

I tried not to :I

dobo69 2009-03-21 16:01:44

i dont think most of the people on here understand bdsm.
it is actually pretty fun and erotic
i thought it was weird until i tried it, now im addicted
its not any different than any other fetish.

InsertFunnyUserName 2009-03-21 16:01:44

Exactly.

YourFutureMaster 2009-03-24 18:17:16

You should learn to not have any emotions. Just imagine how much better this could have turned out if none of you had emotions.

InsertFunnyUserName 2009-03-24 18:17:16

Yeah, braahh

Emotions are a draagg

dobo69 2009-03-25 17:27:30

thats why im glad im a guy, my emotion level is at zero.

InsertFunnyUserName 2009-03-25 17:27:30

Ohlol.

Mcbanhammer 2009-03-25 23:01:52

Your mom was offended, and as such, must scroll to the bottom of the offended page on ED.

Enjoy.

OneWhoListens 2009-04-02 23:17:34

I had a similar situation, though not involving bdsm, containing a matter my mom was emotionally responsive to. The slightest hint of my connection with said issue brought her to a bad place quickly, causing hell for the entire household. I shudder to think what would happen if she found out for real.
But let me tell you, it's true hell having to live with a real secret like that. Can fuck up your whole life. I'm waiting to get out of the house...just waiting...waiting...waiting.....