InsertFunnyUserName's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[Avania: episode 1 part 1]

There's potential here.

The animation was good overall. There were a few points where the linework was shaky and where some of the movements looked stiff, but I don't have any other complaints in that regard. You did a good job varying up the camera angle.

I think my biggest issue with this is that the lighthearted presentation and execution don't feel as though they match the more serious nature of the plot. It feels like it's consistently hovering in the void between comedy and drama, never touching one or the other. For example, I'm not sure whether the second scene is supposed to be climactic and suspenseful or playful and comedic.

Utilizing lighting and music can help a lot with this because it can drastically affects the mood. If you need music, than the audio portal is a great resource. If you don't find a song there that works, you can always ask around to see if there's a musician who will collaborate with you. In terms of lighting, using more contrast and darker, less saturated colors will help show that a scene is supposed to be more serious whereas using saturated, bright colors will make the scene look happier and more playful.

Just a voice recording tip: when you're recording, it's better to be further back from the mic and speaking louder than close to the mic. When you're too close, the mic picks up the sound of the air coming out from speaking, which makes the recording muddy, as it is here. Also, be conscious of how quickly you're speaking. It's easy to speak more quickly than you think you are, so when recording, speak a little slower than you think you should. This will help prevent the dialog from whizzing by.

It's also not advised to try and do all of the voices yourself, especially if the characters are a different gender. There's a number of voice actors here on NG who will collaborate with you. Granted, the voice of the main character did fit him, so that was good.

The dialog could use some improvement, too. It hurts the quality of any kind of writing when you say too many things in a matter-of-fact way. It's better to imply things because otherwise, it'll feel like you're stating the obvious and giving superfluous explanation of the scene. For instance, there's no reason for the character to say he finds it strange that the rabbit is talking to him because his reaction when the rabbit starts speaking gets that across enough. Along those lines, make sure you don't say the same thing twice, like when the boy says he doesn't like to lie and then the rabbit asserts that the boy lied. You could get across his reluctance to lie through facial expressions and timing, but also, you don't need to state that he lied both before and after the orb glows. You might not even need to say it all if you get across the impression of a lie in the boy's manner of speaking. The orb will put the pieces together for you.

I like the plot overall. I think it could turn out to be an interesting story. It's just that the execution could use some work.

Deer50 responds:

Thanks alot. Now this is a good piece of advice. ^^

[Coffee, boy!]

Haha, nice.

I love all of the wacky images that you use to get across the idea of a coffee high. The absurdity of the things, the exaggerated movement, the vibrant colors and the rapid pace of the flash all got that feeling across nicely. I like how all of the changes happened so fluidly at times, though I wish you had done that for all of the scene/object/etc changes.

I don't think that I've fond of the shakiness, though. At times it seemed to fit well stylistically, but at others it didn't, particularly when the objects were still. At those points it seemed like it was a mistake. Maybe it was. Regardless, consider both thinning down your lines and making them more consistent.

There are a few points where I really loved the anticipation that you put in, like when he was swinging his arms.

Lastly, the lip syncing was shaky. It seemed like you put too much detail into the movements of the lips, making them jumpy and overcomplicated.

Hildebrandt responds:

Hellooo,
Thanks for your long (and helpful) review,
I did the shaking on purpose, but what really grinds my balls is that you've only got that shitty brush tool in flash to draw thicker lines and it FUCKS EVERYTHING UP... which is very annoying.
I know, the lip sync isn't perfect, but since the movie is only 12fps it is very hard to get the right shape for everything...
Thanks again!
Hildebrandt

[Untitled Western]

Nice concept.

I like the story and I smiled at the duck. It is a bit short, but I don't feel like that's a problem. I feel like the length suits the content. I have some concrit, though.

Are you using onion skins? Especially on the hands and when the camera is moving up from his feet to his head (but many other places as well), your lines are jumpy. Thick, also. Try using a smaller brush or the pencil tool because the thick lines didn't flatter it well. Make sure to keep unwanted fluctuations out of your lines, as well. Clean them up, that is. It'll make the linework look more polished and it will also help with the jumpiness problem.

Try a higher framerate because the animation was choppy.

You did have a few nice perspective shots in there, like the hand shot for example, but speaking of perspective, there are some issues, particularly with that last shot with the building in it.

DivineN responds:

I thank you for your review, the choppy-ness of the lines where intended. That was the style i was going for.

[Mr. Pineapple - Cat]

I have no idea...

...what I just watched, lmao. I found myself laughing aloud. It was odd, but cute. But, I do have some comments.

The walk cycles bugged me. They were too stiff for all of the characters. The legs should be bending where the joints are and also, they should be bobbing when they walk.

In terms of lip syncing, their faces should be animated accordingly when they go to open and close their mouths, not just the mouths. Now, I don't know how to go about animating a jawbone into a peach and a pineapple myself, but there needs to be some indication of movement in the characters' facial structures. Mouths also aren't ovals.

Make sure to put anticipation into the motion of the ball.

Lastly, work on perspective. There are problems with the bookshelf and the rug as well but the couch has the most issues.

[Action Movie!]

2/5

Woah, put a seizure warning in the author's comments, man. I saw your warning in the review request club thread, but this might be a nasty surprise to non-RRC club members.

Anyways, the reason I give this a two is that it's so short that it doesn't really have any substance. If you had made it a bit longer, it think it would have been much better. Additionally, I didn't really like how you used the rainbow gradient for that little... thing that came jumping out. It just seemed out of place.

But, other than that, the animation that did have was pretty good. It was smooth and I like the drawing style.

[Review Request Club]

[Intelligent Critique]

3/5

It was pretty good. Your animation was pretty smooth and the voice-over was quite amusing. I liked at the beginning where the rock fell down.

However, I didn't like how you scrolled the review screenshot over the animation until it took up the whole screen. I think the review should have taken up only part of the screen and stayed that size throughout the entire flash instead of taking up more and more space. I suggest maybe putting the review on one side of the screen, the animation on the other (maybe overlapping over at times) and then making the flash dimension bigger so you have more room. I don't know, just a suggestion.

Also, I think that you shouldn't have used a gradient on the badger, because the rest of the flash didn't use gradients and it looked a bit out of place.

[Review Request Club]

[Hurshnenglurper 2009]

3/5

I didn't like how you mixed all of these different art styles from pixel art to claymation to frame-by-frame to tween-dominated art. If you're going to make another one of these mix flashes, I suggest sticking with one style.

I strongly suggest not relying too heavily on the gradients-for-shading tactic unless your gradients are very subtle. It's more tedious to do, but drawing in your own shading will almost always improve the look of a flash in my mind. I saw that you reflected on the gradients during the flash (I think you should have left up that text for a few seconds longer because the scene changed before I had a chance to read it all. I had watched the flash three times around before I was able to read it in full) so I know that you recognized that, but you also did the same thing in your first clip when the sky went red.

Speaking of the first clip, I thought that that one was pretty good.

Smooth out your claymation as I feel it was a bit choppy.

[Review Request Club]

Surn responds:

"I didn't like how you mixed all of these different art styles from pixel art to claymation ... I suggest sticking with one style."

I've found some who disagree. One may be the web-master of Albino Blacksheep who said he was "fascinated" by it.

"I strongly suggest not relying too heavily on the gradients-for-shading tactic unless your gradients are very subtle."
Yeah, I agree. Heavy reliance on the auto-gradient function is noobish.

"but you also did the same thing in your first clip when the sky went red."
I thought that was pretty subtle but I may have been able to make a creepier effect if I whipped up something in Photoshop.

"I think you should have left up that text for a few seconds longer because the scene changed before I had a chance to read it all. I had watched the flash three times around before I was able to read it in full"
Yeah, I'll have to look at it again and see how long I left it up so I can avoid the same mistake next time. It might be better if I can learn to do the "press space to continue code". Did you see the subliminal message at the end of the pink wolf clip?

Thanks for the review! It was real helpful.